All that can happen in 4 months..

Well, well, well. Here I am writing for the first time in 4 months. Four. Actually there was one drunken post at one point but then I removed it because it was just crappy nonsense. To say that things have been busy around here would be true and to say they’ve been crazy would be even more truthful. Honestly, I feel like there isn’t time for anything other than living right now and my nerves have been shot but might be starting to settle down soon. Maybe.

Marshall is away at a residential treatment facility. He will be there for about a year and should help him a lot. This was court ordered by a very nice judge who probably saw the desperation in my eyes when I requested he be placed. As you know I love all of my kids more than anything and I had been wanting him to be sent somewhere for a while for his own good, as well as for ours. He and Aidan had it out one night and it got really, really bad. I had Regina call the police because Marshal was seriously out of his head attacking Aidan. It was scary. That was in February and he hasn’t been home since.

If I am lucky and can get back into the swing of things I will talk more about Marshal in later posts.

I really miss writing so much.

Regina is another stressor.. Her graduation is next Thursday and she is scrambiling at the last minute to get her work done so she can actually graduate. Why she does this I just don’t know. She’s failing cosmetology because of her attendance. She’s months and months behind on her on-line courses. She’s playing hardball with her head in the clouds. Do I think she’ll get it all done in time to participate in graduation? Yes. I’m I worried sick that I’m wrong and she won’t? Yes. It’s her life and I can’t do it for her. All I can do (and do daily) is nag. Fun for all.

On top of those two my mother has been very odd and apparently has/had begun drinking around the clock. I don’t even know what to write about her other than I am worried. I think she is going through some mental health issues and trying to self medicate with more alcohol than usual. Trying to help my dad and brother help her has been difficult because I am so far away, have two little boys that I don’t want to bring around her and also I have to do a few driving trips each day to get or drop off Regina at work or school or what have you. I’ve also honestly have been hoping my mom gets her head out of her ass and gets her shit together. Not realistic.

The little boys keep my days busy. Maddox is starting to walk now and has been getting into everything for a while now. Logan has been getting jealous and they both constantly want my attention to be directed at themselves. It’s rough, it’s normal and I’m blessed to be able to be home with them. They drive me crazy though. :)

My mental¬† state hasn’t been so hot but I know it’s because of everything that’s going on. I feel stretched thin but it will all fall into place. My medication was switched and it’s taking it’s time working. I have gained 20 pounds since starting the first med and it’s making me miserable. This new med that replaced it though should help me lose that weight. I hope so though because I really feel disgusting. It’s terrible. Especially concidering that I had lost so much weight after having Maddox, who will be a year old next month.

Logan’s 3rd birthday is on Thursday. Since the boys birthdays are so close together I am having a combined party. I don’t want to do all of the work twice and we are far enough away from family that one trip is good for them to make instead of two.

In August Regina will be 18. Holy fucking shit batman. I would be close to the end of child hood! But that’s not the case at all. I’ve got another 17 years before I can say that. Sigh. I love the kids, each and every one of them but this Mama is tired. Really tired. I turned 38 on Friday. My life is chugging along and of my whole life I’ll have had 35 years of kids under 18. If that doesn’t keep you young then I’m fucked.

I’ve been working on the stairwell and woodwork in the house and it’s been moving quickly. I’ll update more soon, Logan just woke up.

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What’s the story morning glory?

I’ve gone from posting once a day to now once a week every TWO weeks. Ugh. Time is flying at least, right? I started this last week.. Yup.

I don’t understand what the struggle is about waking up early anymore. I mean I really go to bed at 8 or 9 every night and still hit snooze two times to many in the morning.

Oh, I know! It’s because Maddox has been nursing a lot more at night. He has more teeth coming in so he wakes up more often. Poor guy. Poor Mama.

The past (two) weeks was (were) okay (kind of). We ordered Maddox’s convertible car seat because he outgrew the infant carrier. We got the same brand as the carrier and the convertible one that Logan uses, Evenflo. Most of the convertibles are around $300 but we got this one for $180 on Amazon and we know that we like it because like I said Logan has one.

When I pulled it out it looked huge and I couldn’t imagine that Maddox’s head would even reach the head rest on the lowest setting that it adjusts to. Seriously? I put him in it though before throwing a hissy fit and holy cow my kid is a giant!

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Is it just me.. He’s adorable right? I know as the mama I am supposed to think he’s the cutest, but really — he is a cutie to the rest of the world, too, right?

Aside from being very big and cute (19 pounds and I forget how many inches) Maddox is very strong. He’s about to start crawling and can sit himself up pretty well. Not entirely by himself but almost! He sat up all by himself twice this week!! And he gets arounf the room in an army crawl like nobody’s business.

Here he is in his bouncy seat refusing to take a nap:

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He is a fussy guy and whines quite a lot. He gets really mad when he wants to play with something that he isn’t allowed to have (specifically electronics) and squeals like a pig. Yes, a pig. I predict “Babe” being his favorite movie or another one with pigs. I should read Charlotte’s Web to them. Really, that would be a good one to read, it’s on my list.

Better you than me, sister!

In other baby news, I think that I mentioned my niece and my sister-in-law are both pregnant with their seconds? Well, I’ve been successfully getting stuff together for my niece and have another batch of items for her. Luckily she is having a boy and probably won’t need anything other than things she wants.

On Saturday we went to Aidan’s parents for his Dad’s birthday. It was a nice get together and my sister-in-law was there and is now 7-8 months pregnant. She looks adorable but extremely miserable. I felt sad for a second knowing that I will never be pregnant again but that only lasted a second because pregnancy sucks. I feel bad for her and how uncomfortable she must feel. They aren’t finding out what the baby is. I have no guesses either. If I had to choose I’d say a boy because her belly looks like mine did but I don’t know that it’s an indication of anything.

 Things that broke..

Well, we have now officially updated every single major appliance in the house. Every single one.. The furnace, water heater, washer dryer, refrigerator, dishwasher and most recently the stove.

Let me tell you about the stove.. For whatever reason when I bought the house it had an apartment sized stove in it. Really it was unnessecary because my kitchen really isn’t that small and a normal sized one could fit, but anyway it came with a 20″ stove and over the years I learned to love it. It was a work horse. Seriously, I cooked and baked in and on that stove so much and our relationship grew over 11 years. It was a piece of shit that didn’t work right, but I figured out it’s quirks and I agreed to not cuss it out everyday if it would just help out a little.

So.. That agreement worked for 11 years but finally the little stove that could finally called it quits and just couldn’t anymore.

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Why, yes! That is a stool propping the door closed! I tried to work with it as best I could but it just turned rediculous. I had to keep the door propped but the stool kept getting knocked into which meant the door would fall, not just open but just about off.

I was really hoping it would keep together until we could afford to replace the cabinets and counters but that didn’t work out.

Aside from the little stoves being super small, they aren’t very popular so no major companies make them. They are hard to find and very pricy. I could have gotten a regular sized stove (LG at that) for a lower price than what we bought. It would have been more costly to buy the cheaper stove and replace everything else though, so it was what it was..

We had to replace the tiny stove with another tiny stove..

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Please don’t mind the kitchen. It was (is always) a hot mess.

So there is our tiny new stove that seems to have as many problems as the old one. The door stays closed though. I guess that is good? We had to call the place we bought it from because of course one of the burners doesn’t light. None of them light easily but the one has a broken piece.

Will I learn to love this stove? Probably. But damn I really just want new cabinets, counters and a backsplash. And a new floor. And a billion dollars. And a maid who will just clean the kitchen. And maybe the bathrooms..

There is so much more to write about but the littles are awake. I really need to rethink my schedule and find a better time to write since the mornings obviously aren’t working for me anymore..

I hope you are all well!!

“Mom, do you have a pair of socks?”

This boy. I seriously bought him 26 pairs of socks for Christmas. Twenty Six. A whole months worth, just about. Combined with all of the other socks he had and has stolen from us.. I’d say he has at least 40 pairs down there.

What fucking nerve.

“I promise I’ll start my wash today.”

His problem.

I can’t give him socks because I myself only have maybe 6 pairs. I do my laundry when I need and if I’m late by a day or two I’m stuck wearing slipper socks. My problem. I don’t try robbing other people or asking other people. I get my shit done and move on.

I really need a shower.

Aidan’s been leaving early for work so he can get home before 7pm. It’s better that he gets home early but it’s harder in the mornings. Plus I don’t know why but I’ve been having a very hard time waking up lately. Like super hard Regina-needs- a-ride-to-school-now late.

Sigh. That’s why I haven’t been writing for a few days either.

Mommy needs to hibernate. And not be harassed about socks.

Well, the kids are up, have a great day. I’ll try to write more later if they take a nap at the same time. har har har.

My titles need a lot of work..

Yesterday was a bust. A big ol’ bust. I didn’t get anything done. I was so tired that all I could get done was thinking about what I wanted to do. I guess that happens.

We ate leftovers. I didn’t shower. No cookies were made. No bathrooms were scrubbed. The kids were though.

I woke up this morning to a huge mess in the kitchen. One that I did not make but now one that I will clean up because if I wait until the kids wake up it won’t be until after noon.

The real kicker about yesterday is that I didn’t even really relax. I didn’t watch any tv or get a good nap. I just thought and walked around like a zombie. Stupid day.

Blogiversary

I’ve been writing on this blog for over a year now. I got my anniversary notification over a week ago. I had to look back into my posts to find the date: December 14th. Since then I’ve written 270 posts, not including this one.

That’s great for me!

On my old blog, which was more successful (in terms of readership) I had posted 248 times from December 4th 2010 – January 26th 2014. Over here I’ve written way more posts in way less time.

Loss of laughter?

My old blog was better in terms of content and editing I suppose. I used to edit the shit out of what I was posting. I had to leave that behind but couldn’t delete it though. When I sometimes look back at that blog I realize that I was pretty funny.

Sometimes I think I am a little funny here but over there it was easier to make fun of myself and the bad luck streak I was stuck in. I must have come across funnier over there too because I think my humor here is often missed.

That leads me to think I have lost my sense of humor quite a bit over the years. Life has hardened me in ways that I don’t even realize. Don’t get me wrong, I still have fun in me, I’m just not like I used to be. I want to be sarcastic and goofy still but it feels like I sometimes don’t know how.

I think sarcasm served as a defense mechanism for me through a tough life and bad times, but I miss that about myself. Not the tough part — which we all know isn’t completely gone — but I want to try harder to be fun again.

I think I am still quite funny but it doesn’t seem that many of you either get me or think that I am funny. Sylvia gets my humor. I wonder if anyone else does? I wonder if you all just think I am just a huge complainer? I try to make light of my complaints.

I mean seriously..

I don’t know why I care so much for making people laugh or chuckle at least. When I was in the 6th grade I was voted the class clown and have always enjoyed making light of situations. And being sarcastic. Now I probably just seem dark and cranky.

I am cranky but I am a mom of four.

Poor Aidan. He’s known me forever and as a total goofball. Now I’m serious all the time. Well, more often than I used to be.

Okay so now that I’ve complained about being funny and the mess in the kitchen I guess I better go laugh my way through cleaning. Man, I always wished I had magical genie powers. I still sometimes put my arms on top of one another, nod my head and blink hoping they will finally kick in. True story.

 

Stubborn or Stupid

sigh.

sigh.

ugh.

There is so much that I have to write about when it comes to Marshal. Life’s been a struggle for him lately and he just can’t seem to shake it off. I don’t know if I mentioned that he went to truancy court for cutting just about all of his classes for most of the year.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) the truancy officer knows my two kids and I very well and has been a great help to us for a few years. She met Marshal when he was in 5th grade, 4 years ago, when she was in the counseling department.

That time of our lives was the beginning of our long and difficult journey in regards to getting him diagnosed, medicated, therapy and an IEP. This was also at the time when everything blew up on the home front and led to my divorce.

In any case, she worked with Marshal and a few years ago started working with Regina when she was having a really tough time in school.

The truancy officer has been a great mentor for Regina, a caring support for all of us and has gone above and beyond in trying to help me help these kids.

So when we met a few weeks ago to talk about the big kids cutting and I found out how bad the situation was becoming I asked that she bring him to court. He doesn’t always (if ever) take me serious but he does pay attention to a judge.

So we went to court, he got the run down of the law and the consequences and a new meeting was set up with the school to see if we can get him placed in a smaller school. The high school here is huge and frankly too much for him. I’ve been pushing for placement at another school for him for over three years and (now that it’s almost too late) they are seeing it through my eyes.

Soo…

Anyway. He’s involved with truancy courts.

But that wasn’t enough. Yesterday afternoon he was out with his friends at the local rec center and apparently there was a group of about 20 kids, 2 of which were fighting. A neighbor of the rec center called the police and said someone (matching my son’s description) had a knife and a gun.

Obviously a thousand cop cars pulled up and my son wasn’t aware of what was going on. He did have a knife on him and when they pulled up aggressively and demanded he get up against the car he took off running. Big mistake.

Anyway, he was arrested and charged with Disorderly Conduct and Escape. The police had him for bout 3-4 hours and were roughing him up. He was shook up when I got him. He doesn’t get it though. It’s all a mess and there is a lot more to say but now he is awake and talking to me about fighting charges. He really doesn’t get it.

I’ll write more later.

 

There’s always next weekend..

Regina and I rarely get to go out into the world without toting the little kids along with us. It’s okay, I mean, I do have two little babies and all, but going out alone is something we should be able to do sometimes.

I’ve thought about it and there were two times we left the house without both the boys: Once we got our nails and toes done (awesome!) and another time we went to the supermarket (not so awesome.)

Anyway after having enough of listening to Maddox scream his head off on a drive home from the mall two weekends ago I promised her we’d go out Christmas shopping without them. I demanded that asked Aidan to watch the boys yesterday and Regina and I headed out into the wild for some long overdue girl time.

First stop: Starbucks. I like to go to the one at my supermarket because after buying six drinks you get the seventh one free. Yesterday I got one for free :) Awesome!

Second stop: Plato’s Closet. Regina had some stuff to sell and it’s not far from the mall. She ended up making like 16$ and we were ready to head to the mall.

We didn’t get there.

The fucking new truck wouldn’t start.

We sat in the truck trying every trick possible and referring to the manual then searching the internet trying to troubleshoot, fix the problem and get to shopping.

Yeah. No. It was my battery and Aidan had to drive all the way to us after stopping for jumper cables and getting a new battery. The kids couldn’t go with him because I had the car seats so I had to put my foot down on Marshal and make him stay at the house with them.

Aidan was super fast and soon enough we were on the road again, but we couldn’t stop anywhere in the fear the battery would deplete again. Aidan couldn’t change the battery in the parking lot because a) he didn’t have the socket wrench and b) we don’t necessarily trust Marshal to watch Maddox and Logan for more than a few minutes.

So our glorious shopping trip never happened. Arrrugh!!

Now we have to try to go after Aidan gets home from work one night this week or next weekend.

Other things that didn’t happen this weekend:

  • I didn’t win the lottery as I had planned
  • We didn’t see Aidan’s mom for her birthday as planned
  • No painting was done anywhere in the house as planned
  • Our new rug wasn’t laid out yet as planned
  • My hair wasn’t cut as hoped for

Sometimes shit just happens and we can’t get done what we want. Right? I haven’t had such a bust of a weekend like this in a long time, but it’s okay. There’s always next weekend. I’m just glad nothing bad happened!

 

And now for this week in ridiculousness..

So..

I had mentioned the other day that I swapped rooms around downstairs to make space for a Christmas tree. I put the furniture from the dining room into the living room and vice versa.

I didn’t take pictures of the rooms before and after and now I am wishing I had..

Why can’t I do it now? Well, because Aidan complained the loudest and won.

Not so ridiculous yet.

I’m going to jump back a little further in the week here and talk for a minute about our bedroom and it’s need for a rug.

Drafty Odd Shaped Rooms

I am sure that I mentioned before that my house is roughly 100 years old. Having such a mature home comes with it’s quirks. In this case it’s super fucking freezing in here due to a lack of insulation behind the plaster walls.

In our bedroom we have a “bump out” which I suppose was a feature back in the early 1900’s but for now it’s not because the floor in this space is above our porch. There is no insulation in the floor or walls so it makes the room super freaking cold.

I used to have my bed in the space of the bump out and it looked nice but it was just entirely too cold in the winter.

One random day last year I decided to rearrange the whole room and put the bed against an interior wall. (Are you noticing a theme here with me moving furniture?)

Unfortunately, this meant that I now had to put Aidan’s dresser and ridiculously over sized tv in front of the window but that’s a whole other story. I will say though that I HATE Aidan’s furniture and how I still don’t know why I ever let him move it in here.

Back to the cold room:

Even though moving the bed made it a little more comfortable to sleep, the room is still very cold and drafty. Seriously the floor on the bump out side of the room feels like an ice cube.

So Aidan said we would get a rug to keep the draft out and insulate the room a little better.

Yay! I love getting new things for the house :)

Rug Hunting

It took us no less than hours and hours spanned over 4 days (maybe it was 5 or 6?) to finally order a rug.

At first I wanted wool. They are the best. And it had to be grey. Because neutral’s the way to go.

But jeeze, wool rugs — they shed like mad and I’ve already been going wild battling mini-sheep as it were. And holy shit — I forgot how expensive they can be.

So we looked and looked.

  • Pottery Barn — Crazy expensive and nothing stood out.
  • Overstock — Nice selection, nothing standing out.
  • Wayfair — Nice choices, decent prices. One rug stood out but it ended up being machine made. It was pretty nice and a much better price than wool.

Finally after searching unsuccessfully for days I decided to broaden my horizons.

I stared looking at machine made rugs. At Home Depot of all places.

Within a half hour of looking at the rugs I found two that I liked and thought Aidan would like. I also found one that made my heart go pitter patter but it’s main color was hot pink so..

Aidan said he liked the first of the two I send him a picture of and I bravely showed him the rug of my dreams fully expecting to be laughed at all the way to China.

He said, “Fine. Send me the link. I’m ordering it today.”

“Really???!” I jumped for joy. I thought it was a joke.

At this point I know he was just so fucking sick of looking at rugs he’d agree to anything. History was made, ladies.

So he ordered the rug and I begin to get nervous. What if it’s a disaster? What if my vision for the room doesn’t come together?

Trust the process..

And now back to the downstairs..

The rug came in on Friday and even rolled up I was feeling really anxious. The piping along the edges is hot pink. WTF did I do?

I rolled it out into the then living room and hated it.

Hated it.

What was I thinking? It’s so bright and colorful and so different than my boring neutral taste. OMG.

Then something happened.. Logan woke up from his nap and loved the rug.

I started to look at it differently.

When Aidan asked how the rug looked I said “It certainly is colorful.”
His reply: “You don’t like it.”

I could see the smoke coming out of his ears. I sent this picture to him..

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It was at this point I began to fall in love.Something about seeing it in the picture just settled my nerves.

“It looks good! Are you sure you don’t want to keep it down there?”

Aidan saying that made me feel even better about my sporadic choice.

All of my dreams were coming true!

I could finally have living space to stretch out in. I wouldn’t have to move every fucking thing around every fucking time I needed to get up in that crammed (front) living room!

I was on cloud 9 thinking of the possibilities of once again having a large living room complete with my brightly colored rug!

Marshal came home and gave the rug 2 thumbs up. My day was getting better and better!

Then my joy bubble was burst.

“I still don’t like the dining room in this space. It doesn’t fit.” Aidan said when he came home from work.

Mother fucker.

He won’t let up on it. He never spends time down here but yet he still won’t let up on it. Grrr.

The tree

Yesterday morning Aidan took Logan to pick out the tree.

Quite frankly I was sick of hearing how much he doesn’t like the rooms swapped. I decided to choose my battles (he did let me order a hot pink rug after all) and while they were gone I moved everything back to the way they were before.

I wasn’t happy about it but I knew Aidan would be, and well, I love him and want to make him happy. I tried to focus on the positives and got excited for the Christmas tree that would warm up the house soon.

This is my lovely view now:

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Fucking awesome.

He decided to get the tree straight out of Christmas Vacation and now it is towering in the fucking house taking up more space than all of the furniture combined.

Seriously do you see the size of this tree?

I think he got it on purpose to piss me off because I switched the rooms around. He’s passive-aggressive like that.

Anyway..

I’ll give the tree a trimming on Monday and fix it as best as I can.

Also I will focus on the transformation of my bedroom and do breathing exersizes while I’m downstairs. My room’s going to look super fucking awesome when I am done with it. I am debating between 3 paint colors and stalking the web for a few other items.

Seriously, trust the process.

Oh and hopefully the rest of the living room will be painted this weekend, it’s now going on four months. Can we move on??