Battle of the brains and Marshal is home!

My computers are still not working and it really is driving me mad. I have so much to write about and i am lucky to be able to write from my phone but it’s just not the same :(

Anyway.. what’s going on? Marshal was released from his placement on Wednesday and now he is back home. He is doing so well and he is so happy and I knew he would understand at some point why I fought so hard for him to be sent away. He thanked me multiple times and even said I saved his life. 

I am a little stressed out that I will fail him because he is coming from such a great structured environment back to his chaotic mother. Ok not a little stressed, very stressed. We do have therapy lined up, he’s looking for a job and will be back in school today so those are good things to keep him busy but I still worry.

Regina had a horrible episode this week and ended up in the hospital. She woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me she swallowed a bottle of pills. She told me to make her a dr’s appointment about a month ago and I didn’t fast enough. I had been so caught up in working and dealing with my own shit that I just didn’t take her serious enough.

She is stable and home now but was diagnosed as bipolar. She’s been telling me for a while now, close to a year, that she thought she was and I was in denial about it because I suppose that I felt it would be confirmation that I truly am bipolar and that the doctors aren’t wrong. It makes perfect sense now that I have figured it out and I feel like a terrible mother for not listening to her for my own stupid selfish reasons.

So now she is set up to meet with a new psychiatrist because she “hates” her old one but those appointments take a while so she still has 6 weeks to go. It’s going to be a long six weeks because now I’m scared to death she will do something again.

I feel very overwhelmed to say the least. I’m not freaking out or anything but the stress is getting to me. At my own doctors appointment I was explaining how my brain is all over the place, how I can’t focus on anything and how I have around four projects started and can’t get any of them done. He suggested that I might have ADHD and I’ve been set up with some testing next month. He said a lot of times in my generation it goes undiagnosed because of the way mental health was viewed. I know that I have it. I’ve known for a long time but always thought maybe I was crazy for thinking it because I don’t even know why. It’s one thing after another, I am hoping this will be the final piece of my mental puzzle though. Like the one piece I couldn’t figure out and fix. I hope I can be fixed all the way now :) 

Okay well, I am done writing today, it really is hard on the phone and just thinking about all that shit at one time is making my heart race. I still haven’t finished the cabinet. It’s close.. this close to being done and I am already so proud of my hard work. I really hope to post it soon and then show you my next project that I couldn’t help but start!

Take care everyone. 

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