All that can happen in 4 months..

Well, well, well. Here I am writing for the first time in 4 months. Four. Actually there was one drunken post at one point but then I removed it because it was just crappy nonsense. To say that things have been busy around here would be true and to say they’ve been crazy would be even more truthful. Honestly, I feel like there isn’t time for anything other than living right now and my nerves have been shot but might be starting to settle down soon. Maybe.

Marshall is away at a residential treatment facility. He will be there for about a year and should help him a lot. This was court ordered by a very nice judge who probably saw the desperation in my eyes when I requested he be placed. As you know I love all of my kids more than anything and I had been wanting him to be sent somewhere for a while for his own good, as well as for ours. He and Aidan had it out one night and it got really, really bad. I had Regina call the police because Marshal was seriously out of his head attacking Aidan. It was scary. That was in February and he hasn’t been home since.

If I am lucky and can get back into the swing of things I will talk more about Marshal in later posts.

I really miss writing so much.

Regina is another stressor.. Her graduation is next Thursday and she is scrambiling at the last minute to get her work done so she can actually graduate. Why she does this I just don’t know. She’s failing cosmetology because of her attendance. She’s months and months behind on her on-line courses. She’s playing hardball with her head in the clouds. Do I think she’ll get it all done in time to participate in graduation? Yes. I’m I worried sick that I’m wrong and she won’t? Yes. It’s her life and I can’t do it for her. All I can do (and do daily) is nag. Fun for all.

On top of those two my mother has been very odd and apparently has/had begun drinking around the clock. I don’t even know what to write about her other than I am worried. I think she is going through some mental health issues and trying to self medicate with more alcohol than usual. Trying to help my dad and brother help her has been difficult because I am so far away, have two little boys that I don’t want to bring around her and also I have to do a few driving trips each day to get or drop off Regina at work or school or what have you. I’ve also honestly have been hoping my mom gets her head out of her ass and gets her shit together. Not realistic.

The little boys keep my days busy. Maddox is starting to walk now and has been getting into everything for a while now. Logan has been getting jealous and they both constantly want my attention to be directed at themselves. It’s rough, it’s normal and I’m blessed to be able to be home with them. They drive me crazy though. :)

My mental  state hasn’t been so hot but I know it’s because of everything that’s going on. I feel stretched thin but it will all fall into place. My medication was switched and it’s taking it’s time working. I have gained 20 pounds since starting the first med and it’s making me miserable. This new med that replaced it though should help me lose that weight. I hope so though because I really feel disgusting. It’s terrible. Especially concidering that I had lost so much weight after having Maddox, who will be a year old next month.

Logan’s 3rd birthday is on Thursday. Since the boys birthdays are so close together I am having a combined party. I don’t want to do all of the work twice and we are far enough away from family that one trip is good for them to make instead of two.

In August Regina will be 18. Holy fucking shit batman. I would be close to the end of child hood! But that’s not the case at all. I’ve got another 17 years before I can say that. Sigh. I love the kids, each and every one of them but this Mama is tired. Really tired. I turned 38 on Friday. My life is chugging along and of my whole life I’ll have had 35 years of kids under 18. If that doesn’t keep you young then I’m fucked.

I’ve been working on the stairwell and woodwork in the house and it’s been moving quickly. I’ll update more soon, Logan just woke up.


7 thoughts on “All that can happen in 4 months..

  1. Been so worried about you and what is happening in your life and I’m SO glad to read your post today – even though it confirms my fear that you are having a shitty time of it right now.
    I’m relieved that Marshall is getting the help he desperately needs – and that one day he and you will be above all of what has happened and it will be just a distant memory that will no longer overshadow your lives. You are a good parent for following through with this tough-love but necessary plan of action. Never forget that what you have done is out of love.
    Fingers crossed for Regina that she is a master at scrambling for deadlines. I’m sure you know it but nagging usually isn’t much good in the end – just keeps you stressed out and upset and she is or isn’t going to do her shit unless she decides she should anyway no matter how much nagging you do. (Of course I could be wrong about that – just speaking from my own past experience and every kid is different. 😍)
    I hope you are able to start writing again at least once in awhile – that’s my goal, too, as like you I’ve fallen off the blogging rails and need to get back on the tracks. I’m dealing with some crappy stuff and life stuff that I never know whether to write about or not because I’m not sure if I want family and friends reading it – writing about other things hasn’t felt like an option either lately so I need to decide on a plan of action and just do it.
    Good luck to us both! (And I’m sure there are tons of other writers out there in blogging land who can identify and commiserate with you and me if they were to share their stories.)
    Oh – late happy birthday to you! My son is turning 38 later this year, too – how the hell did that happen????


    1. Thanks Sylvia! I DO know that nagging doesn’t work, our therapists, yes more than one has told me to lay off on the nagging. I guess it just makes me feel like I am doing something at least?! As of right this second she missed her bus and is still in bed. I’m fuming mad but after telling her to get up twice already I give up. It gets old, you know?

      I’m sorry that you are going through tough times, too. And I certainly know how you feel about not wanting to write about things friends and family might see. I have a hard time advertising that I’m bad at life so I write anonymously, although in the end I don’t hide stuff. It just gives me a buffer to write and sort it out then talk about it, if that makes sense. If you every want to talk message me on Facebook :) I might take a little while to get back but I will get back :)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy birthday to you all! Glad you are back, sad you’re going through all of that stuff. But hopefully, Marshall will get through, Regina will get her work done, your mom gets better and you get your sanity back! Missed you girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So good to hear from you! But, it does seem like you have been very busy with a lot of happenings in your family. Not all easy and worry-free, I understand. I hope that in the midst of it all, that you find a few moments to breathe and create some space for your self. Sending you peace and love. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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