Marshal Hates His Mama

So if you have been reading here for a while you know that my oldest son of 15, Marshal is a bit of a hot mess. Aside from his rebellious and sometimes rotten attitude he’s a slob, and I’ve complained about his room and laundry situation on more than one occasion here. It’s been a while since I’ve bitched about his room but things haven’t changed all that much; I’ve just been more focused on other things and with being so super pregnant for a while I hadn’t ventured down to his room (or the laundry room for that matter.)

Anyway, yesterday Marshal, blog Henry and I were sitting on the porch while waiting for Marshal’s friends to come pick him up. He had a water bottle in his hand that both he and Henry were playing with and his broken up beat to the ground iphone that he received for christmas from his dad. How the phone even worked in the state that it was is beyond me because the screen was completely shattered from top to bottom and the back bottom piece of the phone was bent in such a way that it was actually pulled apart from the rest of the phone. It worked though and even though it was on it’s last leg he still hasn’t been very careful with it.

Anyway, I’m sure you can figure out that the water bottle spilled and some (not a lot but enough) water got into the busted up phone. He quickly dried it as best as he could and then left when his friend got here.

Hour later I got a phone call from him (from another number) telling me that blog Henry destroyed his phone when he dumped water on it. Blog Henry is two so how he could try to blame him is beyond me and also I remember the event differently as my memory places blog Henry on the other side of me at the time that the water spilled. Okay, I feel bad that his phone doesn’t work, really I do but for him to blame blog Henry is ridiculous and especially so because I think he feels like I should buy him a new phone. For the low low price of $600. Dude. Not happening. I wouldn’t even buy you a phone in the first place because you don’t take care of anything and also even if Henry did spill the water, why weren’t you protecting your broken ass phone around water anyway. And honestly, I think Marshal is the one who spilled it to begin with!

So anyway, he didn’t ask for a new phone but I cut the conversation short before he could imply any further that any of this was my problem. Hours later he starts flipping out on me about child support and how I never buy him clothes and he has none and I don’t take him to get haircuts or do anything I’m supposed to do for him. Haircuts: he goes with his friends and gets them done, hasn’t asked me to take him in months and the last time he did, didn’t want to wait the 4 days that I said I would take him. Clothes: all, and I do mean ALL, of his clothes live on the floor of his room. He destroys them and doesn’t wash them and somehow I am supposed to feel gung-ho about spending hundreds of dollars every season buying him more clothes for him to throw on the floor, give away to friends and overall not take care of. He was furious with me and I know it was ultimately about him feeling wronged about his phone not working but seriously, again.. Not my problem.

I’ve told this kid to clean his room (keep it clean?) once or twice a week for the past 3 years. He “cleans” it once every 4-6 weeks and then feels like I am evil and not holding up to my end of the relationship. Are his clothes that he has now beat up and in need of replacing, yes but it’s not for any other reason than him cutting them up, drawing on them, losing them and otherwise destroying them. I bought him 4 pairs of expensive jeans last fall that would still fit him this fall but he decided to cut them into shorts rather than wear the real shorts he has. He wants $200 sneakers.. I haven’t spend $200 on shoes in total in 5 years, he behaves badly, trashes stuff and thinks I’m just gonna be like okay pick out what you want!

Ugh! Am I wrong for not caring that he now hates me for not buying him new clothes every few months? Or a new phone if that is what this is about?

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15 thoughts on “Marshal Hates His Mama

  1. No, you’re not wrong. If he can’t properly care for the things he has, why should you have to buy new everything? At that age, my parents bought about half of my clothes, and I bought the other half with my babysitting money. If something of mine broke due to my own carelessness, I was expected to replace it with my own money, if I wanted a new one.

    Parenting a teenager sounds SO. FREAKING. HARD. You’re doing a good job. <3

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    1. Thanks, mom guilt gets me all the time though. It is hard but these kids aren’t the norm, I’ll tell you that much. I get so mad when I see people referring to three year olds as threenagers! Omg they cannot compare the two in any way shape or form! I always want to give them a reality check of what real teens are like. Unfortunately my two aren’t the only ones who act like this but fortunately not all of them do. Just set and maintain clear boundaries from a young age forever and you’ll be fine in 10 years :)

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  2. Really the only one that Marshal hates is himself. He shows that by how he takes care of everything. I wish I could tell you something positive but you are just going to have to pray, and pray hard. I hope you believe in that, because that is what I do when there seem nothing else I can do. I give it to God <3 Have a good day Ginger, Love ya <3

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    1. He does hate himself– his dad made sure that he would– and it breaks my heart but I’ve done everything I possibly could have/ can do to show that he doesn’t need to.
      I just keep repeating “we’ll get thru this”

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  3. *hugs* You WILL get through this.
    I have no experience myself with teenagers, besides being one many years ago, but have you considered a compromise kind of situation? Tell him that if he keeps his room clean and clothes respectfully washed, put away, and in general good shape for a set amount of weeks, then you will take him to buy him one new pair of pants and one shirt or something? This may have been something you’ve tried before on him and it didn’t work, but I figured it’s worth suggesting. But seriously, what growing kid needs $200 shoes?? You now have 4 pairs of growing feet to shoe, not including you and Aiden’s, and that just doesn’t allow for fancy shoes. One day he will understand. Sadly though, teenagers want it all but don’t get what it takes to get it all, no matter how hard we try to teach them. Does Marshal have a lot of friends who DO get the world handed to them on a silver platter? I find that often that can give some kids an unrealistic expectation about what life is truly like.

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    1. I’ve tried but we never talked specifics, maybe I could try that. This is all my ex’s and my fault from their childhood — plain and simple they were spoiled because we were trying to make up for or own childhoods of not having a lot. We were idiots. Then life changed and they (especially Marshal) just don’t get it! I doubt his friends have it any better but there are some kids in town who do, that’s just life though, isn’t it? There are plenty of people who are at a better advantage than me.. I don’t hate the world (or my mom) for it though lol I hope you are right that one day he’ll understand..

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  4. This might be a ridiculous idea, but what if you set up a budget with your child support and showed him how much you have for food, clothing, etc. It might be a good learning experience for him. I’d say give him the money (on a monthly basis) and let him be responsible for buying his own clothes, but from what I’ve read about him, he’s probably not there yet. As for a phone–he’s learning an important life lesson, even if he doesn’t appreciate it right now. :)

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    1. I don’t think that’s ridiculous, I’ve actually done it. He doesn’t get it or care he just wants what he wants and makes me the bad guy for not being able to satisfy. I can’t trust him with money.. last time I gave him money for clothes he came home with a pierced lip and more recently I think he’d just buy drugs. But he has no clothes and I’m an awful parent. I hope he will learn from the phone incident he hasn’t yet and this isn’t the first phone that’s been broken! Man he is in for a hard dose of reality if he doesn’t get it together. Adulthood is right around the corner and t isn’t going to feel nice when he can’t point the finger at everyone for everything that isn’t going the way he wants.

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  5. I’ve had very similar experiences – kids not looking after things (breaking, losing, giving away,defacing, leaving things where they’re going to get broken), then wanting more. They want all the expensive stuff and try making you feel guilty (sometimes succeed). I’ve had the questions about the child support too but that soon stopped when I gave them a list of the cost of food, electricity they use with all their gadgets, and everything else they forget you spend on them. That’s the thing – they forget about what you have spent and all those little costs add up to a lot, plus the odd big spends, just the cost of toiletries and groceries… I think they really do think money grows on trees.

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    1. He is !*constantly*! trying to make me feel guilty! I’ve given him the reality of things and showed him just how far the measly amount of child support I receive gets us every month. He wants something though so that’s all he can see. It’s sad. And yes, he pays no attention to what he gets, only worries about what he doesn’t have and how it’s everyone else’s fault that his stuff isn’t taken care of. Pshh.

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      1. I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s got to be that age. I remember my brother and me doing the same kind of thing to our mum. I dunno…

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          1. I think I only did it once when I was copying my brother, but my brother seemed to do it a lot. He always wanted all the big brand stuff Mum couldn’t afford. From what I recall, Mum gave him a reality check and he realised he’d have to get a job. I’ve never known him as an adult complain about what Mum never bought him, but he knows she did her best. I look back at the tantrums and realise Mum had a lot to deal with and she did well. I guess we just grew up. That’s not really much help, but I really think it was just about growing up and understanding things better.

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  6. I NEVER bought expensive clothes or phones for any of my 7 kids. They wanted them, and most of them were slobs, especially the boys. (no wait, the girls were too) They had minimal clothing, mostly acquired from Target or thrift stores, and cheap shoes, too. They survived, and they appreciate what they have as grownups because they had to struggle for it! I was divorced from their dad too, and they tried the child support number on me.
    Hang in there, Ginger! you don’t need to spend money on stuff they don’t take care of!

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    1. What really drives me crazy is the way he thinks the child support is any of their business. I’m telling you — the sense of entitlement this boy has is awful. Yeah let me buy you expensive clothes that you can not appreciate and trash — we don’t need electricity any way. Ugh. Someday he will grow up. I’m sure he will still play victim and feel sorry for all the things he didn’t have. But at least he will be paying bills and realizing how quickly they add up.

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