I’ve really been light on the posting lately and I can only attribute that to the fact that I’m going to be having a little person pop out of me sometime in the next few weeks. Making a baby is tiresome! I have been skipping my early morning wake up’s to write in order to get a few extra hours of sleep. It’s necessary, I suppose, though not ideal.
The big kids have really been giving me a hard time about everything, Regina especially. I came to the conclusion that they are feeling some type of way about having yet another new brother or sister that will be joining us. Maybe I’m wrong and they are just being selfish assholes, but I think they are much more sensitive than I give them credit for. I mean, it’s gotta be strange to have a newborn sibling when they are as old as they are, especially when there is such an age gap.
In any case Regina has been awful. Skipping school, skipping curfew, skipping phone calls and texts from me. I called the lady who has been overseeing her for the past six month from when she got into legal trouble at the end of last year. It’s embarrassing to admit and talk about but she was picked up for shoplifting at Target right before Thanksgiving. Yeah, she did that. The courts cut her some slack and decided to give her another chance by enrolling her into a low grade probation program for 6 months and then would not mark her record but she hasn’t been taking anything seriously lately. She is failing in school and just thinks it’s all going to work out.
All of this has been really hard on me because she is my daughter and I know that she is a good person. She is smart and sweet and capable but for some reason she just can’t get it together. I’ve been filled with horrible anxiety about what choices she is making that I finally had to take a step back.
Yesterday I called her lady and told her everything that has been going on lately. They are going to put her on house restriction meaning she can only go to school or work or out with her parents. The probation is going to be extended by a month or so and we will see what she does from there. If she doesn’t follow this I don’t know what will happen. I know they have tracking bracelets they can put on kids who need them, hopefully she wont. There’s juvenile detention, which I pray she won’t need. The whole point is though that she is fucking up and I can’t stop her but maybe the court can.
I don’t want her to ruin her life, especially when she’s still so young and has so much ahead of her. And so much potential. It’s extremely frustrating and nerve wracking. I’m going to bump her therapy back up to once a week instead of once a month, I don’t know that it will help but it’s worth a try. All I can do is try to help her. She needs to wake up. She needs to graduate high school. She needs to respect authority. She needs to be good again.
So that’s what’s really been dragging me down the most around here. Being so close to delivery and dealing with her drama has been really tough and causing me to almost shut down? I don’t know but I had to step back for the sake of my health and the pregnancy. I haven’t given up I just called in for backup, we will see where it goes.
As far as Marshall, he is giving me troubles also but not to the extreme Regina is. At this point I’m just riding his ass and calling him out on stuff I see so he knows I’m paying attention. I’ll lay down the hammer hard once I feel like I have Regina pulled in a bit better, hopefully within the next few days. Two teenagers at once, especially ones with chips on their shoulders, is really, really difficult.
And now I’m working on batch number two. These little ones will be growing up a lot differently though so I am hopeful it won’t be so hard. If it is at least we will have already gone through it once before, right? I know it won’t be this hard, I mean it’s going to be a totally different situation and upbringing for them.
In other happy cheerful news, our rosebush that we bought last year is doing fantastic! It is filling in with blooms and buds and has at least doubled in size. I know it’s weird to go from the last topic to this but flowers really do put a smile on my face. The little buds remind me of those little red and pink swirled hard candies they used to make and relax me in a way.
There are quite a few things going on in the yard that I will try to post about in the next few days. The veggies are shooting up, the trellis Aidan is creating is almost done, we planted some new plants and earlier plantings are doing really well. Gardening is really therapeutic and I love how the yard is coming together. Aidan spends a lot of time out there on the weekends and I can see why. It’s a place to calm down and relax and de-stress. Plus it’s so great to see your hard work pay off!
Well, have a great day, thanks for reading!