Family Relationships and A Lack of Supports

Wowsers, it’s May. May! Can you believe it? It’s almost summer and it feels like only yesterday it was winter. The weather is still being funky and taking it’s sweet old time to catch up but it really is May. This year is flying by for me, we are almost halfway through the year. Is everyone else feeling the same?

I woke up around 3 this morning and couldn’t fall back asleep (shocking isn’t it?) so I decided I’d just get up and write. And maybe clean. I should probably clean first as I didn’t get any done yesterday but for the same reason as yesterday, right now I don’t feel like it. My body HURTS. It’s definitely a combination of the little exercise my body isn’t used to, being pregnant, and my multivitamins being too irony, if you catch my drift. I asked Aidan if we could do pizza last night instead of tonight because I wasn’t feeling up to cooking and thankfully he was on board.

Marshal was supposed to empty the dishwasher yesterday and he didn’t so now I’ll have to do that. He makes me upset when he forgets. He likes to put things off and then I end up being the one to do it. I would just leave it for when he gets home today but there are already dishes on the counter that need to go into the washer. I know he didn’t forget on purpose so I’m not angry but I am annoyed.

I was thinking that I would ask my parents to come over one day next week so they could watch Henry while I get some cleaning done. I want to deep clean the rooms and it’s hard to do that when I’m alone with Henry or don’t have energy. Of course if they did come over for a few hours there would be no guarantee that I’d have as much energy as I’d want anyway. I don’t really even have that much to do, I just want to do all the windows, clean under the beds and steam the floors. Maybe reorganize some things and make the house look pretty. I just feel so overwhelmed because everything takes me so long anymore. For instance — it might take me a total of 3 hours to deep clean the house top to bottom if I had energy but as of now, it would take 3 full days because I move so slow! That’s probably not true but it is definitely how it feels. Heck, it probably is true but would take 5 days.

I wish my mom would be the type to take charge and just come over and help me out, but then I’d probably complain about that too. I have a very large family but don’t ask them to help me much with anything. When I was going through the beginning of my divorce my parents helped me a lot money wise and believe me that was what I needed, but they have this idea that I am so independent so they don’t really offer help in other ways. I don’t like to ask though so maybe that’s just my fault. I always feel like it’s not worth the hassle of asking though. I mean, in the past it was like pulling teeth if I needed a sitter or something like that. Especially when it came to asking my sister. But if you knew how many times I watched her kids when they were younger you’d be shaking your head.

Anyway..

I don’t even know how I got to that topic. I guess I just wish I had a better relationship with my family. Or more support from them and I definitely wish I had more energy. I’m not going to feel sorry for myself though because that’s an easy hole to fall into. I won’t get anything done if I start feeling sorry for myself, right?

Well, have a great day, happy Friday and thanks for reading. Feel free to share your family gripes or lack of support in your lives, if you are so inclined. I know we probably all have the same or similar complaints :)

 

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5 thoughts on “Family Relationships and A Lack of Supports

  1. I have no family. When my dad left my mom, he left us all. He took me with him for a bit as he needed a housecleaner and a cook so he took me with him. I was 17 years old, freshly out of the re-habilitation center I had just spent 14 months in. Only to come home to a broken family. I had 3 sisters who had all gotten pregnant and weren’t married and I was the one who got the short straw. I hooked up with a sexual predator, alcoholic who like to beat up girls. But I loved him. WTF it took sometime but got my act together and I haven’t looked back since. I was raised in a very dysfunctional family. I think, or I thought until yesterday I had a pretty great family that I raised. I did my best at being a loving, present mother. But I guess I wasn’t. My 29 year old daughter gave birth to her 2nd baby. A baby girl who is healthy and beautiful. Unfortunately I won’t be a part of her screwed up world. The baby daddy is a convicted felon who is using her. He doesn’t work and he just got her pg again because that’s what those people do. 8 years ago he did the same thing but she got away from him. Me and her father helped raise her daughter and put her through nursing school. She ripped our granddaughter away from us because the loser got out of jail and needed a place to live and a warm body so my stupid daughter bought his line again. I threw her out. I just waisted 8 years of my life, 8 years I’m not going to be able to get back. They say if you don’t learn from you mistakes, you will have to go through it again until you do. I done saving her. I won’t pull her out of the way from the speeding train this time. Let it hit the little b..tch. I am done. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. I’m done ranting for now. Thanks for listening. I hope you will stay close. I really need friends right now …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think so, in the past when I’ve done that I’ve done ridiculous things like detailed ceiling fans, mop floor repetitively and deep cleaned areas that I’d never even think of. I just want to clean and not be interrupted lol

      Liked by 2 people

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