Getting Over Different Types of Break Up’s

Thank you guys so much for all of your great advice yesterday on how I can help my oldest through her first heartbreak. It means so much to me that you would take the time to share your stories and words of wisdom. I was lucky to get a lot of great suggestions and I will be using them all. As of right now Regina is still in bed and wouldn’t get up for school. She hasn’t slept in two nights, which is understandable but today I really wanted her to get back into the swing of things. She was somewhat hysterical when I was being stern about waking up though so I let her stay. I’ll be making her go for sure tomorrow because dwelling on this is not going to help her at all. She hasn’t eaten either so today sleep and food are in order.

With her going through this I can’t help but think about the breakup’s in my life. I can think of one time when it was as traumatizing to me as this is to her and coincidentally it was my first love. I wouldn’t classify the pain as the worst but the feeling of rejection and disappointment definitely was. Maybe the first broken heart is always the hardest because we don’t expect it?

I’ve had my share of relationships that have failed and while I’ve been on both ends of the deal none of them have ever felt good. Some took a long tie to get over, others did not. When you are blindsided like she was though I think that will always make it a little harder. Sometimes there are just bad relationships that we know we need to end and they don’t hurt but probably take a long time to wrap up. That was the case for me a few times, especially with my ex-husband. I hated that man for years but couldn’t break away because I was so afraid to and comfortable with being miserable. When I finally did end it (after he assaulted me) I never looked back. You might think ending a 13 year relationship would be hard but it surely wasn’t. I truly hated the man.

How about you, where there some breakup’s that were downright terrible to get over? Where there others that were hard to end but then easy to get over?

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7 thoughts on “Getting Over Different Types of Break Up’s

  1. It’s always so interesting looking back at those hard times in our lives, especially when things are going so well now. For me, besides the guy vanishing without a trace (that I wrote about yesterday), the end of my first long term relationship was the hardest to get over. It was four and a half years, we lived together, everything seemed just okay. It was feeling not the greatest, but young naïve me thought it was just a tough moment that we would get through. Anyway, he ended up going partying with some friends one night and decided to not come home and stay with a buddy (or so he says. pretty sure he was with another girl) or tell me his intentions. Long story short, we got in a huge argument when I tracked him down the next day and he said it was over and came home and grabbed a bag and packed it up saying he would come back the following weekend and take what was his out of our house. I cried and begged, tried pulling his stuff out of the bag saying we needed to talk about everything. But he still left. I spent that week staying at my sister’s place with her, and basically cried myself to sleep every night. It wasn’t until the day he came to get his stuff and I really cried hard, that I had a moment of clarity (while still sobbing) realizing that I deserved better than this and that there was someone out there way better for me. It didn’t stop me from calling him a few times crying and begging him to reconsider. Young love. We do silly things. He was a gentleman and would call me to check on me, make sure I was doing okay. I eventually told him I needed space. After about 4 months I allowed him back into my life as a friend. It still hurt seeing him. But over time I realized how much happier I was without him. He apologized numerous times for how he had behaved as well. To this day we are still friends, and he is married with a 3 year old daughter. But the heartbreak that came from that break up is like something I had/have never felt before. But that silly cliché of “time heals all” is actually true. It took me quite a few more years, moderately okay relationships, some ended by me and some ended by the guys, for me to find my amazing husband. He truly made me realize that with everyone else I was just compromising on what I truly wanted and deserved.

    And there’s my novel for you!

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    1. Thanks for sharing! That does sound like a tough relationship to get over especially considering the longevity and the fact that you were living together. It’s really great that you had your sister to help get you through the first week. It’s also great that in the end you ended up being friends. If only we could see the end results in the beginning of such hard times. You are right though that time heals all and if you had continued to be hung up on him you would not have been open to meeting your husband. I’m so glad everything worked out for the better but sorry you had to deal with the heartache at all.

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  2. I had a best friend whom I started dating, my mom did not approve. She ended up going to his wrestling match and slapped him…😢so he broke up with me (understandably). We remained best friends though, and he went to prom with someone else, but I asked him to dance.. And it was the only slow dance I danced at prom. Butterfly by Marian Carey… He moved away to Florida and then came back to see me and we were together on and off for 5 years. But he all of a sudden stated to go out to parties, not calling me and so I told him that if he wanted to go separate ways and see other people, that it was okay because I just wanted him to be happy because he was my best friend. Some time later, I told him that I was moving away, and if he wanted me to stay, all he had to do was day so… He didn’t… 6 months later, I received a letter from him saying that he just needed to figure out what he wanted, which I understood because I was trying to do the same also. He told me, he would leave everything and move to where I wanted just as long as he was with me, because I was the only thing that’s ever made him happy. With tears, I wrote him back… I had already met somebody else (my now husband). Well, we lost contact for 10 years until last year. I wrote him an email to thank him for everything! He was my best friend and I am where I am because of him. We started talking again about guitars and our lives. Months later.. June 4 of last year, he shot himself. THAT, was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I felt like a piece of my heart was ripped right out of me. Then, I got letters from mutual friends checking in on me and telling me that he’d say that I was the love of his life.😭 it has been truly a very hard experience. His family are wonderful people I still love with all of my heart who I still consider my family. (Sigh) that is the story of my first love.

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    1. Oh wow, this is really sad, I’m sorry you had to go through all of this! It’s a shame that he wasn’t able to get his head together sooner but sadly it seems better that he didn’t. I can’t imagine what you went through when you found out what he had done. If you guys were together though you wouldn’t have met your husband and from what I can tell not only are you very happy now but he treats you and your children very well. Thank you for sharing this story, it means a lot and goes to show every break up is different and ultimately leads you onto a new and usually better path of life. Hugs!

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      1. Thank you! He was a great friend and he and his family sort of adopted me, they made me part of their family. That is something I will never forget. My husband is the most wonderful man I know and staying with him was the best decision I have ever made. He even has gone with me to visit the family, because he knows how much they mean to me and they treat him as if he is another son.
        How is your baby girl doing?

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        1. They sound like very nice people, it’s nice that you are all so close.

          She’s functioning better but I think she is trying to get him to be with her still. I totally disapprove but I am not going to say too much about it because I don’t want her to shut me out. I’ll bring it up in the next few days but I’m only going to get her to talk about it and hopefully come to the conclusion that he isn’t worth any more of her time. Thanks for asking :)

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