I Don’t Know What Else to Do but Listen

My (almost) 17 year old’s (ex)boyfriend is being a major douche bag right now and I wish there was a way for me to help her. Apparently he broke up with her after almost a year but didn’t even have the nerve to tell her. He just removed all of their pictures from social media and wrote something about moving on. She tried to contact him and he ignored her for the whole day and when he finally did talk to her she found out that he met someone new a few days ago and cheated on her. I want to punch him in the face.

She’s hysterical and all I can do is advise her to block him and ignore him for her own sake. It breaks my heart that her heart is broken. I wish I could prevent this from happening, but we all know that heartache is sadly a part of life. The only thing I can do is listen to her. Listen to her cry and sob and be in pain. It really makes me sad. These are not the things we think about when we have our babies. We protect them from all that we can but broken hearts aren’t something that can be prevented.

She is such a beautiful and lovely girl and I know there is definitely someone out there better than this boy, who admittedly I have liked up to this point. After him being such a coward and then flaunting his new girlfriend of a few days by posting pictures of them kissing where my daughter will see I completely dislike him and think he is a terrible and insensitive little rat. Karma will get him though and all I need to focus on is getting my daughter through this really rough time.

Any advise?

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16 thoughts on “I Don’t Know What Else to Do but Listen

  1. Oh boy. Teenage boys. *shakes head*. This happened to my twin sister back when we were 17, except social media didn’t exist back then. I actually called him to ask what was going on and he told me to tell my sister that it was over. Then, years later, when I was 26, a guy I had been friends with for 8 years, and then dated for 6 months, just vanished one day. No explanation at all for me on what went wrong, and then two weeks later he posted photos on facebook of him and a girl looking cuddly on a trip to Seattle. He was 28 at the time. Fast forward 6 years later and I still don’t know why he felt it was better to just vanish, not properly break up with me. So…sadly, for some guys, being a teenager or a full blown adult, they still think it’s the easier route out to just vanish or act like this boy, instead of manning up and properly ending a relationship. I don’t think they realize that acting this way hurts a lot more than just properly ending things. I think all you can do is let your daughter cry it out, give her a lot of hugs and an open ear for her to cry to. Let her get to the angry stage, then when she’s at that stage, suggest again that she block this boy out of her life. Maybe, after a few days, suggest a mom/daughter day with just the two of you. Take her to do something that makes her feel nice, like a new hair colour or cut, or even just some shopping. This can sometimes be therapeutic and help take her mind off of it for a bit. What a tough thing to have to sit through. :( Karma will get him for this.

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    1. I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you and your sister. Some guys really suck :( Thank you for all of your suggestions, I think they are all very good ones and I will do each of them! I wish she’d just get angry now but I know that will take a few days or weeks. Feeling helpless is the worst! Thanks again, it means a lot!

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  2. I agree with you, the most important thing here is to get your daughter through this with her self esteem intact. My only advice would be to keep the lines of communication open, maybe do something special with her (spa day, anyone?) – don’t let her turn inward and think this is somehow her fault, like the ‘what does the new girl have that I don’t?’ scenario. This guy is a jerk, and don’t be surprised if he comes sniffing around your daughter again once the new girl figures out his game – you’ll have to help her guard against that too! Good luck!

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    1. Thank you! I completely agree with everything you just said! I am worried about her self esteem too and told her she shouldn’t try to make him jealous because it will not only blow up in her face but also has the potential of making her feel bad about it. I am worried she will worry about what the new girl has, too. Truth be told she is just a new girl and that’s all. I already warned her that he will come back most likely and she needs to tell him where to go because he will just do it again and:or she’ll never trust him. Thank you for your advice! I am going to keep following it all!

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  3. Every comment above is spot on. I’m so sorry to hear this happened to her. I’m 23, but sometimes I still feel 17. I deactivated my Facebook account 2 years ago and never looked back. Social media can serve as wall in these situations. He used it as a way to not have to deal with the feelings that would have come from your daughter, if he had spoken to her in person. I agree in that it is good to distract her from the situation and not have her dwell in it. But I would also advise, if it is possible to have her sit down with him to talk things over, once she is calmed down. A resolution, explanation of apology will help her heal faster. Also this guy is a jerk and it’s terrible that people think they can just move on that quickly. On top of it, the other girl is not nice if she knew he had a girlfriend.

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    1. Unfortunately I don’t think the other girl knew which means she will probably also get hurt. I agree with the social media point you brought up. These are much different times than when I grew up and I know it’s a major cause of stress. I really hope she blocks him from everything and I think once she turns angry she might. I really hope she won’t take him back after he did this to her. He doesn’t deserve her and she definitely doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. Thanks for your advice, it means a lot!

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  4. Wow. WOW! How could he have done that – I know a lot of boys round my age are rather… Insensitive, but that is just disgusting.
    I don’t know her, obviously, but after a breakup, it’s horrible. It’s horrible because you feel alone and you don’t understand why it happened and you think there’s something wrong with you. From my experience, it’s easier if people are just there, to support you – talking to you if you want it, but leaving it alone if you don’t.

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    1. Thanks and yes it was a real slime ball move, unfortunately :(
      I know she feels alone and probably thinks it’s her fault which I have been explaining to her that it’s not. She’s really upset because she said he was her best friend and normally he would talk to her through this. It really stinks.
      We are all trying to give her support and space when she needs it, it’s really all we can do. I don’t want to bad mouth him because I know she loves him still but when and if I get the chance I’ll let her know how rotten he really was.
      Thanks for your advice, it means a lot!

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      1. Any time! :) I can tell you’re doing the right thing through her. Losing your best friend ALONG with your boyfriend is simply awful; she’ll most likely be torn up for a very long time over it. But like I said, what you’re doing is going to be great for her.
        He does sound rather like a miserable piece of work.

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  5. We need to teach our sons better than this ! I’m so sorry this happened to your daughter – my little girl is 10 months old so I have a ways to go (thankfully) but you’re so right – we do everything we can as mother’s to protect our little ones from everything we can from broken bones and boo boos , bad decisions etc – but protecting them from a broken heart is a whole other ballgame. You are a great mom for this post and wanting to seek advice to help her ! I dread the day my kids have their first heart break and them being so young now It is daunting to think what the world will be like when they are your daughters age. social media , although a great resource , is also the culprit for a lot of negatives. This boy sounds like a little troll and your daughter deserves better than this ! Although hard to deal with right now , just remind her that this new girl is not so lucky – if he was willing to do this to your daughter and treat her this way , does this new girl think he will not do it to her ? It’s only a matter of time before he does it to the new girl. Keep your head up girlfriend ! I’m sure you’ll find a nice guy , with character , integrity morals and respect that this kid was obviously lacking !!

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    1. Thanks for this, I will tell her exactly what you said :) I never even thought this far ahead and I’m kicking myself for not having a talk with her about it when they first started getting serious. I will talk to her next time around though just to remind her that heartache happens and if you are the giver to be kind. Thanks for your support and don’t worry too much for another 15+ years but do try to keep it in mind as a proactive may help in the long run. Thanks again!

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  6. That’s horrible…l wish I had some advice. It sounds like you’re doing just what a good mom does. Good healing to her and strength, too!

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    1. I know it is terrible, my poor baby girl doesn’t deserve this. Thanks for calling me a good mom, that was nice of you, I just wish I could make this all go away for her but I know it’s something she needs to get through and not around.

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  7. Wow! Girl Time! Mommy and me time! Funny Movies and Ice cream maybe! Pedicure When I had my heart broken, I had no one…I had crappy friends and my mom chastised me because she didn’t approve. I don’t blame him for braking up with me, I never did. But one thing my mom did was to tell me to keep my head up. And if she has to pretend to be happy in front of him. Do it! Do not give him any satisfaction! Big Hugs!

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